Falling
by Samandjackforever
Summary: At the life support meeting when Will I was being sung, why did Mark start singing with them, when we know nothing is wrong with him? Or is he singing for another reason? slash MarkRoger. Chapter 5 now up!
1. Will I?

Summary- in the song, Will I, why did mark start singing? Was he supporting the life support group? Or does he have a different reason? Read on and find out.

A/N- Slash, Angel's alive (duh) and it has to deal with drugs. (Heroin) Oh and in this story Mimi was never on drugs! (YAY! I saved Mimi!)

Falling

Mark stood there singing holding his camera while filming the other Life Supporters sing as well. In the middle of singing the doors swing open and Roger walks in. He goes and stands by Collins and Angel and starts singing himself.

Roger looks at Mark with a look of question in his eyes. For some weird reason he felt Mark wasn't singing to support them but was singing for a different cause that had nothing to do with HIV or AIDS at all.

Their eyes lock and to much of Rogers surprise Mark was the first to look away. When the song ended everyone was dismissed and Mark bolted out of there as soon as Paul said, "Have a nice day everyone."

Roger ran outside hoping to catch up with Mark but, by the time he got there Mark was already gone.

"What's the matter with Mark? He would normally wait for us after meetings and we all would go to the Life café together." Angel said as he walked out of the building with Collins, "Yeah, what bugging him?" Collins asked roger and roger shook his head and said, "I have no clue, maybe he has film to work on today, I don't know!" Roger said as he raised his hands up in defeat.

"Well, how 'bout we all go to Life and we'll bring him something, I mean the boy has to eat, right?" Angel asked and both Collins and Roger nodded their heads. "Yeah, come on let's go I'm starved!" Collins exclaimed as they made their way to the Life.

_Later on..._

Roger came home with his arms filled with Take-out. "Mark! I'm home and I have food!" Roger yelled into the way too quite loft. Roger put the food on the table and began to look for Mark.

"Mark? You home?" Roger called; no answer. "Hmm, he must have gone out." Roger said to himself as he walked out of the living room, there was a note on Rogers bedroom door. It was in Mark's handwriting, "Dear Rog," Roger read aloud, "I have to tell you I'm sorry, this is never going to get better, I've been keeping a secret from you and if I tell you you'll call me a hypocrite. Now, please forgive me. You probably already noticed I'm not home but the truth is I'm never coming home, ever. So this is a sorry note and a goodbye note so goodbye. Sincerely, Mark (Marky)" Roger finished; he didn't say anything all he did was drop the letter and ran out the door.

_On the streets…._

"MARK? MARK WHERE ARE YOU?" Roger yelled franticly as he ran down the streets, looking in alleyways. The last alleyway of the whole damn street was occupied and Roger hoped that Mark wasn't there.

That was the alleyway where 'The Man' would sell his drugs, unfortunately that's exactly where he found Mark.

Mark was in the back, leaning against the wall, and by the way he was standing Roger could tell Mark was high. "Mark, what have you done?" Roger asked in disbelief. Mark staggered over to him pointing a finger in saying, "Nooooo, ROG! The question is what Haave yoou doneeee!" Mark exclaimed in a drunken manner. Roger took his arm and lifted his sleeve and saw fresh track marks all over his arms.

"Come on mark, we're going home now!" Roger shouted as he grabbed marks arm and started to pull him out of the alley and 'The Man' came over. "Are you bothering my client, punk?" 'The Man said poking roger in the shoulder.

"I'm taking him home." Roger said with a cold look on his face, 'The Man' let him pass but, as roger pulled mark by the arm out of the alleyway he could hear 'The Man' say, "You better not steal my client."

Roger simply ignored it and he just continued to drag Mark home.

_Back at the loft……_

Roger opened the loft door and threw Mark in, Roger walked in trying to stay calm he shut the door behind him.

Roger walked over to Mark and pushed him onto the couch. Before roger said anything anger took over and Roger slapped Mark right across the face.

"Why the FUCK would you do this to me? Mark, how could you do this? After you've seen what drugs put me through! Why? WHY!" Roger yelled, Mark turned his head to face Roger, somewhere inside Roger was a bit relieved, at least Mark was sober now.

Mark stared at him in the eye, through the tears that clouded his vision. "Rog, I'm sorry, the reason I did this was because this tightly bound family is falling apart, Angel is getting sicker, Maureen and Joanne are playing the fight and make up game and Collins is being well, Collins, but you can tell he's changed and Mimi is getting weaker and Benny is being an ass, I thought I had to be strong for everyone, to be the peace maker, but the pain inside it was too much. I felt like being the peace maker meant I was invisible, so driven out of anger and rage, I looked for something to take the pain away, so I started doing drugs, I'm sorry." Mark said as tears flowed freely from his eyes and his body began to shake with sobs.

Roger pulled him close and held him as he cried. "mark, I'm gonna help you Ok? I won't send you to Rehab, I'll do what you did for me, I'll treat you here, Ok?" Roger asked and Mark nodded his head. Roger knew that he needed to help him, Mark has helped him get through this, now it's Roger's turn to help him.

Roger knew that Mark didn't have such a high tolerance like he did, he knew it would be tougher for Mark to get off of drugs then it was for him but, he had to help him, Mark needed him, his mark needed him.

A/N- Hey, listen, I'm keeping the other Chaps in captivity, I need your reviews to set them free!


	2. the first withdrawal

A/N- I hope this chap is to the same expectations as the first! Also our Marky gets a little violent in this chap. Also, Mimi never did drugs in my story so therefore she couldn't of had gone through withdrawal so this is Rogers first time witnessing it.

Falling

Chapter 2- Dealing with withdrawal

Marks POV-

My head hurts, I'm moody as hell and I can't seem to stop this pain and shaking. I feel like I want to pull all the hair out of my head, or worse HURT someone.

"Mark, you holding out OK? Is there anything I can get you?" Roger asked as he leaned on the door frame of marks room, he looked around the room and then shook his head a bit. The room was almost completely empty except for a bed and marks camera. Roger had to remove everything that mark could use to hurt him self, roger left the camera because he knew mark loved his camera way to much to break the lens.

Mark looked back at roger, "I'm fine!" He snapped, "you know what I want but your not going to give it to me!" Mark shouted as he stood up as his shaking started to increase.

"So this is what you went through with me? Wow, I was expecting more!" roger said, he knew he was ticking him off but, he was testing him for trust because that's what mark did. Mark got roger so ticked off that roger wanted to hit him but, he didn't because roger didn't want to hurt his best friend.

So roger continued, "Come on mister druggie! Mister tough man so me what you got! If you're so mad come on hit me!" Roger screamed he didn't think mark would hit him but, boy was he wrong.

You see our good friend roger forgot that Mark has a BIG problem with anger and when really pissed off becomes uncontrollable.

So mark went right up to him and punched him right in the nose. "Shut the fuck up!" Mark shouted as he moved away from him and couched down on the floor and started shaking violently.

Roger didn't even care that his nose was bleeding; he just crawled over to mark because Mark's hit knocked him down on the floor. Roger took hold of mark and held him as best as he could because Mark was trying to get out of his grasp.

"This is what you had to deal with when I was going with withdrawal?" Roger asked a shaking and now crying Mark, not expecting an answer. Roger remembered he got violent like this before, but he was worse, he wasn't as weak as mark, no offence to him of course.

"Ro…Roger?...Oh god…..make it stop please!" Mark whispered to Roger, Roger didn't respond he was too busy fighting back tears. Roger knew this was the beginning of something that will get worse. 'I don't think I'll be able to be strong for him, if he keeps making pleas like that because I know I can't take all his worries away, but I wish I could.' Roger thought as Marks shaking started to slow as Mark fell asleep, still crying.

END OF CHAP 2

A/N- well, I hope you like! I hope that it met all of your expectations! Review! Please! Reviews make my world go round! When my world stops, there will be no updates so keep reviewing and I'll keep spinning! YAY! WEEEEE!


	3. What do you care!

Falling

Chapter 3- What do you care!

Roger sat by the locked door of Marks room, it was locked from the outside so Mark couldn't get out.

"Step 3," Roger said under his breath, "denial." Roger finished, he made a list of steps that druggies go through when dealing with withdrawal. Mark has been through three steps so far.

Step 1, asking for help. Step 2, anger and regret for asking for help. Step 3, denial and fear that you might not make it. The rest of the steps roger would just have to figure out as time progresses.

Roger could hear Marks pleas to be let out from the other side of the door, "rog, please, just let me out! Rog!" Mark shouted, and Roger sighed he has heard that plea for the millionth time it seemed like that night. He was already stupid enough to fall for it the first time.

Except very plea seemed to tug on Rogers heart, that desperate sound in his voice as he called out to him, that's way he let him out the first time, he felt bad.

That was a mistake though cause as soon as Roger opened the door, Mark tried to run out and get a hit, luckily Roger grabbed him and dragged him down and back into the room. The whole time Roger was pulling mark back into his room he could hear Mark say, "just on hit, please just one hit." And mark kept repeating it. So, Roger learned from his mistake and was not going to open that door, until he believed that Mark was ready.

Roger then heard banging on the door, "Time to calm him down before he hurts himself….again." Roger said as he stood up and opened the door, Roger was ready if Mark was going to run.

Instead of Mark running and trying to push him out of the way, mark just backed away from the door and his body began to shake, not only from withdrawal but, with sobs.

"Roger, what have I done?" mark asked in a whispered voice, "I just want it to be over." Mark admitted, Roger knelt down beside him and put a hand on Marks shoulder, "Mark, something like this takes awhile, but you're strong, you'll make it through this. I need you to." Roger said and mark looked back at him with cold eyes. "What do you care!" Mark asked as he stood up and moved away from roger.

Roger stood up and sighed, it was now or never, "I care because, I love you and I don't want you to hurt anymore." Roger said as he looked to the floor then back at Mark.

"No, you can't." Mark told Roger, his voice cracking with emotion. "Why?" Roger asked as he took a step closer to Mark and having mark back away as a result. "Because, you just can't! Roger, look at me! I've got nothing, I am nothing! My films are worthless, they are just films of the past and the past wasn't all that great! Roger, how could you love someone like me, HOW?" Mark shouted at him.

Roger could tell Mark was afraid, he could feel tears sting his eyes, "Don't you ever say that your films are worthless because they're not! I love you Mark and I won't deny that, I can't." Roger said as he tried to blink back tears.

Mark let out anannoyed sigh, "Why? Why do you love me?" Mark asked hoping he was dreaming.

Roger lowered his head, "Because, you never left." Roger said as the tears fall freely. "What?" Mark asked, not sure as to what Roger said. "You never left me! During all of this, you stayed! I fell in love with you!" roger yelled and Mark just looked at him shocked and said, "Rog, I'm not ready for this yet so please just go. Leave." Mark said coldly.

Roger wiped to tears from his eyes and with a sad sigh, heleft, he made sure he locked the door. Then, he sat back down by the locked door of marks roomand muttered, "Step 4," Roger sighed, "push every one away and fall into depression." Roger finished as he heard Mark start to cry.

END of chap 3

A/N- I hope you liked this chap! Please review! Tell me what ya think! If you don't review, you'll be putting the chaps' lives in danger! So review!


	4. Holding on

A/N- Flashbacks are in Italics.

Falling

Chapter 4- holding on

Roger didn't sleep all night; he could sleep with the sound of mark's crying, but with the sound of things being thrown and kicked, no way was he able to sleep. None the less Roger was completely banned from Marks room, he was only allowed to go in to give mark his food, which mark would pick at and barely eat.

"Mark! You have to fight the urge!" Roger shouted fed up as he opened the door to marks room, grabbed the shaking filmmaker and held him against the wall. The next thing that happened roger was not expecting, mark kneed him, right in between the legs, Roger backed away. He didn't want to fight with Mark, but Marks eyes told a story of anger and wanted a fight, this must have been what mark saw when Roger beat the crap out of him when he was going through withdrawal.

_Mark entered Rogers room, being greeted with sobs coming from the shaking rock star. "Roger, come on, you need to eat. It will get your mind off of things." Mark said as he walked over to Roger and tapped him on the arm, roger slapped his hand away._

_"Rog, you haven't eaten in two days, so you will eat even if I have to SHOVE this food down your FUCKING throat!" Mark shouted as Roger stood up, Mark could tell he had dug himself deep into this hole, Roger wanted to fight. Mark didn't believe he would at first, but his mind changed when Roger raised his fist, "What are you going to do Rog? Hit me for trying to help you get back on the right track, or maybe Mr. Ex- Rock star doesn't want help, maybe he just wants all the attention or maybe he just wants to DIE!" Mark yelled frustrated, then the unexpected happened, roger swung away, whacking mark right in the jaw, knocking his glasses right off his face._

_Mark backed away, scared to death, "Rog, I don't want to fight you."_ (A/N- You know how the rest goes)

The memories flooded back to Roger clear as day, he was totally taken off guard when Mark punched him in the nose, which thankfully didn't break. Roger fell to the floor and backed away from mark in the same manner as Mark did years back, "Mark, I don't want to fight you, I just want to help. I was where you are at one point, I PROMISED to help and I fully intend to keep that promise." Roger said as he stood up.

Roger walked over to mark who was sobbing, as soon as roger came within grabbing reach, mark leaped. Mark grabbed onto Roger and hugged him tight, "You must really love me." Mark said as tears came flying down his face. "More then my own life." Roger said as he cupped marks face, "Listen, I'm really trying to stop with my out breaks, I'm sorry, I just can't help it." Mark admitted as he leaned into Roger's touch, "Now you know how I felt, huh?" Roger asked and Mark nodded his head.

"Roger, sing me to sleep, please?" Mark asked almost pleading, Roger nodded his head and began to sing a classic song-

Good night my angel, time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

I think I know what you've been asking me

I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

Where ever you may go

No matter where you are

I never will be far away

Good night my angel now it's to sleep

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean

I'm rocking you to sleep

The water's dark and deep inside this ancient heart

You'll always be a part of me

By that time mark was fast asleep, so Roger carried him to his bed, tucked Mark in and then joined him in bed. To Roger, this was what holding on meant.

End- for now, more chaps to come later!

A/N- The song I used was- Billy Joe, Lullaby.


	5. cheating out

Falling

Chapter 5- Cheating out

Roger sighed as he rolled over in his bed. He could here mark crying hysterically in his room. Roger hated hearing him in pain and he wished he could take it away.

Roger had been thinking a lot lately. The fact that he was dying made him sick. He doesn't want to leave mark behind and hurt him. Roger got lost in his thoughts as the sound of a door breaking open erupted through the loft.

Roger bolted out of bed and ran in the living room area of the loft only to see mark standing out side on the fire escape. "Mark!" Roger yelled as he ran over to mark. Mark was standing in the railing and was going to jump.

"Mark no!" Roger yelled as he grabbed hold of Mark from around the waist and pulled him back in the loft.

They both tumbled backwards with nothing to break their fall. "Rog, why did you stop me?" Mark asked weakly as he shivered from the cold. "Mark you can't cheat out. You're strong! You can make it." Roger said as he lifted mark from the ground.

"Rog, I can't do this anymore! I can't! I GIVE UP!" Mark yelled as Roger frowned, "You never let me give up! I'm not gonna let you!" roger yelled as he pulled mark into a hug. "Mark I love you and I want you to make it." Roger said lightly as mark sighed, "Why do you have so much faith in me?" Mark asked as roger kissed the top of marks sweaty head, "Because you believed in me." Roger said as he lead mark into his room.

"Since, you've destroyed your door, you're gonna have to share my bed." Roger said as mark laid down on the bed. Roger stood there looking at mark lying in bed. Roger had the door open and he wasn't holding on to mark. "I won't run, not now." Mark said as Roger sighed with a smile on his face. "See you're getting better!' Roger said as Mark smiled, the first smile in a long time, "get over here lover boy." Mark said as roger laid down next to him. Moments later Roger fell asleep.

Mark looked at Roger and then at the open door. He could leave while roger was sleeping. Mark sighed as he ignored the need for a hit eating at him and tried to get some sleep. No more cheating out, it's time to play fair.

TBC!

REVIEW PLEASE AND I'LL UPDATE!!!!


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